Freezing, shivering, drinking coffee and introspection at the same time. Asking my brain/mom/boyfriend/friends/random people on street 'Where the fuck did the whole year go?' The year ends in 15 days and almost everyone I know feels they have been struck by the Obliviate spell.

So I planned to have a serious lets-try-to-go-into-the-flashback session with my brain.
Here's what the interrogation led me to.

January: January was the start of Cost Accounting and Financial management classes. Insistent on not leaving my beloved blanket, Mom forced to resort to the lets-throw-freezing-water-on-her-face strategies, wrapping self with five layers of wollen and leaving at 6am in the morning just to travel half-sleeping half-dead in a deserted metro. Getting off and almost getting myself trapped between two metro doors, to catch the next one. All the efforts, all the pain was worth it. Courtesy the half-burnt Bread Pakoras and the yummiest Green chutney we had in the break. [Three days in a row and you ll be making the washroom your first second home, but thats not relevant]

February: The Valentine's month. The dread of having no one as my valentine and dying alone in a house full of cats happened. Caught hold of the first non-gay boy I could find. And we have been together since. This involved lot of filmy pallu-udna, pehli-nazar-me type background musics and violins.



March
&
April:    Gymming-for-2-hours-regularly-and-still-not-losing-weight-depression happened. And to cure this, I hogged on all chilly chickens and kebabs I could find. Though I wonder why it never helped.

May
&
June: Started my blog with a post that went like : "Hey guyzz bloggin 4 d first tym. Hw r yu allzz?"
Discovered the whole new world of blogger, HTML, tweeting, tumblring. Bid goodbye to the real world.

July : I have no idea what happened during this. The fragments which I remember are : Finally realizing 'typin lyk dis' isn't cool, changing facebook DP every day makes people believe that you have a life, saying I love you to friends on Facebook you just had a visit to the grocery store with is how it is meant to be, making sarcasm on people's tweets is the only way to get famous on twitter and the fact that aliens donot exist. And I think you can guess what among them was the most heart-shattering.

August,
September
&
October: Studies. Depression. Thoughts about hanging myself and blaming it on Cost Accounting's professor.

November : First half: A birthday overshadowed by exams. Second half: Convincing Mom how the papers were very tough and there's a huge chance that I might just fail. A feeble attempt to dampen her over-reactions when she'll witness my result in February.

December: First half: Sleeping. Eating. Cursing net speed. [Repeat]. Second half: [That technically starts today] Searching for the perfect gift to present to the King of Awesomeness on his birthday.

Do you want to be girl? Like, Forever?

The answer to this statement being a ‘YES’ is as rare as a good hair day on your first date. Especially if you are an Indian. I have nothing against my country but when it comes to being born as a girl, India would be the last place I would like to be born into.

The only day you might have wanted to be girl would be when you accidently went to an interview without fully buttoning your shirt and your man boobs just quite didn't impress the boss, or when you had to hand over your 'hard-earned' money to your sister on Rakshabandhan.

If you still say yes “I would gladly be a girl” answer me:

Do you want to be ranked on a scale of Nicole Richie to Scarlett Johansson on the basis of your size of your boobs by random roadside people on the street as soon as you leave your house?

Do you want guys to look at your tits instead of your eyes and pinch your ass instead of shaking your hand?

Do you want to be offered a job because somewhere in the back of your boss’s mind he thinks that you might be very good in bed and he has a chance?

Do you want to be called a slut just because you wear revealing clothes?

Do you want to be raped and then hear it was your fault because you were wearing a mini skirt?

Do you want to see your brother attend all night parties but not going yourself because, well you are a girl?

Do you want to be called characterless just because you have slept around with more than one person unlike a guy, who is called a stud?

Do you want to reconsider your option of wearing white according to the weather?

Do you want to be stared at when you walk into a room where people are telling a dirty joke and they awkwardly stop midway at seeing you?

Do you want to wait an hour to find a decent washroom on a road trip?

Do you want to be paid less for an equal amount of work that a male colleague does?

Do you want to buy condoms with the shopkeeper imagining you naked?

Do you want to writhe in pain bleeding every month?

Do you want your parents to fuss over wherever you go, because they think everyone is going to rape you?

Do you want every guy commenting ‘hot’ on your Facebook picture just because it has a slight glimpse of your bra strap?
Yes I thought so too. You don’t have to worry about permissions when leaving the house. You don’t have to worry about any pain or bleeding when losing virginity. You don’t think twice before introducing your girlfriend to your family. You don’t need to act dumb to make a girl notice you. You don’t have to worry about your underwear glimpsing while doing weights in the gym. Unlike a girl, you just have to have sex to have a baby.

You don’t get people lecturing you about problems in future pregnancy if you smoke or drink. The girl’s parents do not assume the fact that you are a Sanjeev Kapoor when you marry. Your name and your parents live with you forever.(or till when you want). You do not have to bear with the pain of hot wax (especially nowhere near your private area.) You do not have to worry about making crotch adjustments in public. And this is a list when we are talking about a girl who is born in a middle class family who have somehow managed to break free of the clutches of ancient practices of not educating the girl child.

Being a girl is very difficult. But its not like we had a choice. The very least that you can do is respect us.

You wake up. Its still dark.
You didn't choose this. But this was anyway better than running for your life from an unknown monster.
You scramble for the water at your bedside. Gone.
Not your best best day.
Fourth awakening in a single night. Not your best night either but you refuse to loose.
It isn't game over yet.
You still have health left. You give it another chance.
Shoving off everything in your mind from the last nightmare you sleep. With success.

'Wake up' you hear a fimiliar voice in the distant. But with every second its nearing you. The footsteps thumping louder and clearer like someones hammering nails into your head. You scream irritated 'leave me alone' it came out as if you were crying for your life. The evil spirit retreats. Mercies you it seems.
Silence.

Hours pass by. You feel content. You don't know how long you have been hanging amonst this nothingness. But your nemesis don't let this be for long.
Something hits your eyelids like swords and your are sweating like crazy.
You open your eyes and there light. And only light. You are blinded. But you fight.
You manage to keep open one fourth of your eyes.
The sunshine wants to fight with you? Bring it on.
Eventually and gradually you are standing with your eyes wide open.
You win. But you aren't sleepy anymore. This was the price you pay to win.
You rub your eyes. They pain. As a matter of fact every part of your body pains. You woke up more tired than ever. Sleep is supposed to refresh you. But it was the other way round with you. It has sucked all the energy you had left within you.

You head towards the washroom. The mirror in front shows the most hideous person you have ever come across. You splash your eyes and wash your face with water. This helps your eyes but not you. You look as monstrous as before with puffy eyes, dark circles and your face swollen in places.

You leave the loo and go towards the music that you here. You remember the place. Its your living room and its
blaring out with the music that your mom has played ..


Shining in the setting sun like a pearl upon the ocean
Come and feeeeeel me.....

How can she even listen to this
Point one - pearl can't be on the ocean it has to be in an oyster in the ocean..
Point 2- point one proved. Thus no fuckin setting sun can make it shine.
Btw the lyrics aren't even abt the pearl.
Its about a stupid girl. So the correct thing is
(You are ) shining in the sun like a pearl (in an oyster) in the ocean .. (So you and not the pearl) come and feeleeeeeel me..
How can the hell she even shine by the sun ! What is she ? Edward cullen!
Why the hell are you even thinkin this! But you know that you already think too way much for your own good.
Your mom sets in front of you a plate which looks more like a monkeys vomit than any of the vegetables in there.. She slides it towards you like food is served to jail inmates. Well even worse.

She doesn't seem to be speaking to you. You like it that way. Nobody talking to you. Speaking seems a superhero task already.

You pick the plate of monkeys's vomit and head towards your room. Bolting the door in you shove the plate on the nearest desk. You notice worms and some ants on the pizza that you tossed there the say before. You don't care and toss yourself on the bed. Surfing on television you realise how idiotic it really is. Whims and fancies crowding all over it.

You go online. Going through facebook you smile on statuses that say how depressed people are. You want to laugh how people want to be heard. As if others are even the tiniest bit interested. No one is. No one cares a fuck. These people just are giving others chances to make fun of them
Totally worthless people ping you on chat.

You ignore cussing them and go offline.
You open your blog. Posting useless stuff to save your dying blog.

You look across your laptop at the pile of books that crowd your studytable. Your next glance goes towards the watch and you can't remeber what you did on the internet wasting like one sixth of your day.
Its almost dark. You hear voices of children playing on the streets. You remember the time when that used to be fun. Now its just a time to cuss these tiny devils.

Your bangles hurts you. You take it off. in a sudden rush it scratches your arm.
The half healed cuts on your arm are once again oozing out blood.
You make no effort to stop it.

You look at your phone. 2new messages and 1 missed calls.
You remember when you started this behavior in the beginning it used to be like 50 messages and 20 missed calls.
Everybody worried where I had vanished too. The fakeness.
But now even they cant fake it anymore.
No one cares. No one cares a fuck.

You like it that way. No contact with the outside world. Like it doesnt exist.
Like you dont exist.

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July’s gone as well (& so has half of the year already! – before we know it, it’ll be November … and then i’ll grow a year older once again *cringe!*)


Well I have always been happy about my birthday but this year. Oh Well. I ll lose my teenagerity. OMFG I make it sound like virginity.

Well in some other part of the world Gym change happened.

Sugars:

1. Nice air conditioning.
2. Better machines.
3. Drinking area upstairs so the lazy me wont drink water until the very end of my excersise.

Salts:

1.Very far off from my place.
2. THe trainer doesnt brush. Stinks.

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P.S: Have you ever laughed on someone like hell and stopped as soon as you realise they are serious. And when you apologise and they say its ok not a big deal and you start laughing again?

P.P.S: Too lazy after a shower that you sit in your towel?
Ditto. .
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A long month huh?
Well I loved July. Well most parts of it. Smiles, winks, pouts, fights, tears, bunks, surprises, pukey tongues, confusions, kisses, sickness, heart eyes, huhs and nerdiness strokes.
All into one.

August is going to be all gloomy gloomy. Because the evil monter studies has chosen me as his next target.

So this post is dedicated to someone who has made July worth living. Oh no its not.
Well by the way I have noticed people who blog about relationships that didnt work or the emo stuff saddy saddy part they get more viewers.
Does that mean I pretend we broke up just for TRP, oh wait it should be BRP, well whatever?
Okay I am not gonna do that. You cant see me happy? Go Die.


Well okay I am in a dillema right now.
Tomorrow i.e Tuesday And my Audit class as well. I need to bunk it for some very happy reasons.
But I have bunked the previous class as well so the guilt is starting to build up.
Advise me what to do please, will you?
And I promise I ll listen to you provided you tell me before tomorrow.
I know half of you might not even check it till then.
Still I believe in Hope Pe Duniya kayam hai thingy.
Does it make sense? Oh well.

-----------------------------------------
In other news I WENT SHOPPING. Yayayayayayayay..
*dances around like a monkey*
This is the only girly part of me that I soooo love.
Shopping Shopping Shopping.

Went into all boys shop that I could find.
Yes I shop from boys store. I love the long over sized tees and the coolish look.
Yes i am crazy like that.

And i got some shorty shorts. You know the best part
Whatever i liked I had my size in it.
That is goodnews for me. I love the getting slim me.
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Yo Shawty. Remember answering the trivial question alright?
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You want to say something?

Awwwwwwwwwww. I love you too..!!
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We went to other part of the city today. 
They had some weird rickshaws. Werent the normal ones. Were made of i guess plastic punjabi's usually used for charpais and stuff. You ever seen such.

I remember holding onto the metal framework like a monkey lest these break(they were not at all reliabe alright?) I fall down and make a fool of myself.

Now the rickshaw wala.
Notice the biceps maaaaaaaan.
Notice the non-existent ass.
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Yes My lord you are absolutely right I have nothing else to do.
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Anyways
Byebyebyebye.

ANSWERMEANSWERME.