Somewhat of a Mother's Day.

I woke up and glanced at the clock. It was 11p.m. So I failed to wake up on time. AGAIN. I was really bad at waking up on time by myself. Alarms merely sound like a small little mosquito buzzing by my ear. Totally avoidable.

It was the 2nd day in a row my mom hadn't woken me up. And the 3rd of her not talking to me. Of what I have inferred from flashbacks of conversations and situations in my mind I bet she is angry because of me not taking my last two exams seriously.

Actually I am done with all my major exams. These last two are the ones I am merely giving just for the sake of it. These are the ones I haven't studied for and wasn't meant to for I have to give them after three months anyway. 

To be honest I am done with studying. From the past three months I have been studying sacrificing gym, blogging and every activity that "wasted" time. And right now I am out of patience. I just cannot study a single day more.

But my mom doesn't get that. She wants me to give my best for these as well. I know she is right but then I just CANNOT CANNOT AND CANNOT STUDY ANY MORE.

Now I know I should talk to her about this, make her okay again. The only catch is I am bad at the "talking" part. Or apologies. I have never been expressive with my mom. Its not like I don't love her, I just fail to put it in words or actions.

I know most of the people just cant resist hugging their parents all the time but I just cant do it. I cant even remember the last time I did hug her.

I am usually the one who hugs back. Not the one who hugs.

Today is Mothers Day and I haven't even wished her let alone gifting her something. Somewhere in the back of the mind I am thinking to let the exams pass and she'll get alright herself but somewhere I feel guilty of being this mean.

Maybe I'll get to it in the evening maybe I'll not but there is something I would say in case my Mom ever reads my blog. (Chances of it being very less though)

Dear Mom,

I love you. I might not say it enough, I might not show it enough but I really do. You might feel I am ignorant but I really appreciate all those things you do for me. All those times you go out of the way to make me feel better. 

I wont be cliche here and say you are the best mom on the planet like 6 billion other people. Because we really don't know but what I know is you give it your best shot. And thank you for trying.

Yours,
N.


And someday maybe just someday I might be able to actually say all this to her in person.



7 comments:

  1. I am totally hopeless at expressing what I feel for the people I care about!:-( Totally.Helplessly.Pathetically.Hopeless.:-( Guess I am not alone in this.

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  2. The title of your blog says it all and you prove it through yours posts.

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  3. lovely! loved every bit of it! <3
    we are sailing in the same boat..!!

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  4. @Rahul : THis is sad. There should be less people like us.

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  5. @I do. I do. : I do?

    @Rv : I pity both of us.

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  6. I hope you can get to say these all one day.

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  7. @Avinash : I hope so too. I hope so too.

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