I woke up and glanced at the clock. It was 11p.m. So I failed to wake up on time. AGAIN. I was really bad at waking up on time by myself. Alarms merely sound like a small little mosquito buzzing by my ear. Totally avoidable.
It was the 2nd day in a row my mom hadn't woken me up. And the 3rd of her not talking to me. Of what I have inferred from flashbacks of conversations and situations in my mind I bet she is angry because of me not taking my last two exams seriously.
Actually I am done with all my major exams. These last two are the ones I am merely giving just for the sake of it. These are the ones I haven't studied for and wasn't meant to for I have to give them after three months anyway.
To be honest I am done with studying. From the past three months I have been studying sacrificing gym, blogging and every activity that "wasted" time. And right now I am out of patience. I just cannot study a single day more.
But my mom doesn't get that. She wants me to give my best for these as well. I know she is right but then I just CANNOT CANNOT AND CANNOT STUDY ANY MORE.
Now I know I should talk to her about this, make her okay again. The only catch is I am bad at the "talking" part. Or apologies. I have never been expressive with my mom. Its not like I don't love her, I just fail to put it in words or actions.
I know most of the people just cant resist hugging their parents all the time but I just cant do it. I cant even remember the last time I did hug her.
I am usually the one who hugs back. Not the one who hugs.
Today is Mothers Day and I haven't even wished her let alone gifting her something. Somewhere in the back of the mind I am thinking to let the exams pass and she'll get alright herself but somewhere I feel guilty of being this mean.
Maybe I'll get to it in the evening maybe I'll not but there is something I would say in case my Mom ever reads my blog. (Chances of it being very less though)
Dear Mom,
I love you. I might not say it enough, I might not show it enough but I really do. You might feel I am ignorant but I really appreciate all those things you do for me. All those times you go out of the way to make me feel better.
I wont be cliche here and say you are the best mom on the planet like 6 billion other people. Because we really don't know but what I know is you give it your best shot. And thank you for trying.
Yours,
N.
And someday maybe just someday I might be able to actually say all this to her in person.
It was the 2nd day in a row my mom hadn't woken me up. And the 3rd of her not talking to me. Of what I have inferred from flashbacks of conversations and situations in my mind I bet she is angry because of me not taking my last two exams seriously.
Actually I am done with all my major exams. These last two are the ones I am merely giving just for the sake of it. These are the ones I haven't studied for and wasn't meant to for I have to give them after three months anyway.
To be honest I am done with studying. From the past three months I have been studying sacrificing gym, blogging and every activity that "wasted" time. And right now I am out of patience. I just cannot study a single day more.
But my mom doesn't get that. She wants me to give my best for these as well. I know she is right but then I just CANNOT CANNOT AND CANNOT STUDY ANY MORE.
Now I know I should talk to her about this, make her okay again. The only catch is I am bad at the "talking" part. Or apologies. I have never been expressive with my mom. Its not like I don't love her, I just fail to put it in words or actions.
I know most of the people just cant resist hugging their parents all the time but I just cant do it. I cant even remember the last time I did hug her.
I am usually the one who hugs back. Not the one who hugs.
Today is Mothers Day and I haven't even wished her let alone gifting her something. Somewhere in the back of the mind I am thinking to let the exams pass and she'll get alright herself but somewhere I feel guilty of being this mean.
Maybe I'll get to it in the evening maybe I'll not but there is something I would say in case my Mom ever reads my blog. (Chances of it being very less though)
Dear Mom,
I love you. I might not say it enough, I might not show it enough but I really do. You might feel I am ignorant but I really appreciate all those things you do for me. All those times you go out of the way to make me feel better.
I wont be cliche here and say you are the best mom on the planet like 6 billion other people. Because we really don't know but what I know is you give it your best shot. And thank you for trying.
Yours,
N.
And someday maybe just someday I might be able to actually say all this to her in person.
I am totally hopeless at expressing what I feel for the people I care about!:-( Totally.Helplessly.Pathetically.Hopeless.:-( Guess I am not alone in this.
ReplyDeleteThe title of your blog says it all and you prove it through yours posts.
ReplyDeletelovely! loved every bit of it! <3
ReplyDeletewe are sailing in the same boat..!!
@Rahul : THis is sad. There should be less people like us.
ReplyDelete@I do. I do. : I do?
ReplyDelete@Rv : I pity both of us.
I hope you can get to say these all one day.
ReplyDelete@Avinash : I hope so too. I hope so too.
ReplyDelete